Hidden treasures

-San Diego-
There are times in life when it almost seems as if it just isn't up to us to decide, as though the forces of creation are pushing us along in a specific chosen direction and all we can do is climb aboard and hope it is taking us somewhere we'll enjoy.
my mother called me one day and asked if i wanted to go thrift store shopping with her. i said of course, and in less than half an hour we were cruising El Cajon Blvd. looking for deals. i saw a banner strung across a shabby white building, it read, "Alliance for African Assistance (AAA) Thrift Store". We swerved to the curb, parked, and went in.
As i was rifling through messy racks of colorful clothing i began to wonder. i looked around. the name and the environment did not seem to match, i couldn't make the connection, so i asked the woman behind the counter.
"All the money from this store" she said "goes to our organization, straight to the refugees."
i still didn't get it.
i was born and raised in san diego, but returning as an adult who has developed an interest in other cultures i was beginning to realize i knew very little about "my city". my san diego was mostly, a white san diego. i felt a subtle flush of shame.
"refugees?"
"yeah!" she half-shouted, folding my shirts and pushing them in a used plastic bag. "lots of 'em! from all over!"
"here?"
"ah huh!"
i spent some time, leaned up against the counter, inquiring further and leaving with the company's business card in hand. my mom could see i was excited. a week later i saw they had posted an online ad and were conducting interviews for the position of case manager.
it was my dream job that i never knew existed. working as a case manager at a refugee resettlement agency. every day would be spent interacting with people from all over the world, helping them settle in to a new life in the U.S.
it seemed perfect.
i went in for the interview, was well recieved, and came back for a second interview.
after i didn't hear back i called them to ask of my status. "we are sorry but we hired someone else, a girl who just came back from nepal. we will be getting a lot of refugees from asia soon, right now we are getting burmese refugees, and she speaks their language- so... sorry."
it was awkward, rejection always is, but i decided to not care, and a few weeks later i had fully incorporated myself in to the organization as a volunteer. i needed money, and volunteering wasn't helping that situation much, but something urged me to just keep doing it.
i cleaned closets and organized donated goods. i tagged along with the case managers, going to welfare appointments, doctor's appointments, and registering newly arrived children for school. i made home visits and brought families to see the ocean for the first time in their lives.
and, i watched the just-hired employee settle in to her position and begin to claim it with confidance.
my heart sank. i wanted a paid position. i wanted a name badge. i wanted a desk and a schedule i had to adhere to. unemployment was beginning to gnaw at me, nibbling little bits of my self-worth every day. i felt like i was using myself and i wondered aloud to God, didn't he care?
and then i got the email- from my friend Dr. Sophie Kuhn, asking me to join them for the 6 week health outreach in Ghana.
i laughed, we humans can only see so much, and this is a truth i continuously forget. i saw 5 feet, but God saw the mile. i told Sophie of course i would go, and found myself again in Ghana. in 6 weeks time i cemented my dream of becoming a midwife, and returned home with zeal.
i would find a job, any job, and devote my life to school. i would stop volunteering due to my new issue: lack of time. and really, i loved the months i spent at AAA but the work takes heart, a lot of energy, and a certain degree of devotion. people, and their pressing daily needs, become your priority. secretly i was starting to love it and that scared me. i was afraid this new love would distract me and cause me to swerve and lose focus, to forget what it was i really wanted.