the monkey's and the wait

we spent the morning at the monkey sanctuary, where the little scoundrels ran up to us and snatched peanuts out of our hands and we were lead by a guide who was retiring that month. he was calloused from the routine of his occupation, walking through the forest with big groups of overly curious tourists asking the same questions, but he was in love with the monkeys, you could tell the minute he saw one.

the morning came and went and when sofie got her monkey fix, we left.

the monkey village is quite a ways off the main road and we were told by the staff at the lodge that if we waited at the junction a tro tro would surely pass by and deliver us to the next big city.

it was still early, so we all walked to the "junction" which was really only a fork in the dirt road. we found a shady spot, underneath a friendly tree and stood. as what usually happens, a stranger anticipated our unvoiced, unmet need and shortly a small child ran over to us with a bench.

he told us with his hands to sit.

"that was nice." andrew said. "i wonder where the bench came from?"

i had long ago stopped wondering about things like that.

"i hope a tro tro comes soon." sofie said.

i had long ago quit relying on the idea of a tro tro operating on some sort of dependable schedule.

after waiting about 45 minutes, sofie asked me if i wanted to read to her. we had started Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe.

"Ya i'd love to!" it was the perfect solution to pass the time.

i looked over at andrew. he looked lost.

"i'm sorry andrew. have i taken your job?"

he said yes in a polite but honest way. but i still wanted to read.

"how about we do one chapter one chapter?" i said pointing once at him and once at me. i assumed sofie didn't want to read, since she never had before and she wasn't speaking up.

"that sounds good." he said and i handed him the book. he opened it and read with a charged tenacity and i could tell he loved reading in general, but he really loved reading to sofie.

it was a good thing we had the book and not a lot to do because we ended up waiting for hours. each time a car drove by they told us they weren't going in our direction. they were heading to the funeral that was in the monkey village, did we want to come? none of us were up to a funeral, each for different reasons, so we kept reading.

the first day i met sofie in boamadumase, as the sun set and she settled into her room and the idea of having no electricity, i knocked on her door to mention something of no importance.

"can i come in?" i then asked.

"oh yes come on in."

andrew was sitting on the newly bought bed. the room echoed and looked bald. sakola had just moved out that morning to let sofie in. he woke up at 5 to paint the patches of the wall where the ceiling had leaked and left dripping marks. he painted it in white even though the walls were yellow, and laughed the entire time. paint was everywhere and i thought it looked horrible. 'sako it looks bad! why are you doing it in white?' he was offended that i said it looked bad and then blamed it all on auntie.

"how do you like your paint job?" i said jokingly.

she was busy unpacking chotchke.

"what's that?" i asked.

"oh that?" pointing over by her window "those are rechargeable batteries, solar powered."

"ahhhh, i see. so do you like your room?"

"yes it's huge! i'm going to do yoga in here, it's so big how could i not?"

"good, i'm glad you like it. there was a wild frenzy going on here right before you came. we spent the past few days cleaning and sakola woke up this morning and painted the wall to make your room look nice..."

"well i'm glad somebody cared we were coming!"

she shot andrew a look.

"we just came from a week at agogo hospital and it was like 'why'd you come?' nobody seemed to care if we were there or not and i was starting to feel like maybe i just shouldn't have come at all!" she seemed angry. "i'm so relieved to be in the village. it's got a nice feeling and everybody is so welcoming. i'm sorry if i seem a bit upset, it's just that coming to ghana was a really big decision for me. i basically just left my stepdad who is dying." she paused to hold back the surge of tears that was so obvious in coming. she shook it off. "yeah, so i don't know. i've been planning this trip for quite some time now and then my stepfather became very ill so i stayed to be with him, but it was akward because he wanted me to just leave and come here, but i wanted to support him. but he thought i was basically just sitting around waiting for him to die, which is awful. and... i wanted to be here, not that i want him to die, at all, but he's got cancer and he won't be getting better. so it was a big deal for me to come here. and i feel really guilty about it." her eyes welled up and her chest puffed out. andrew was about to interrupt her and then she said "no i don't feel guilty, because fuck it's my life too. i have to live my life. but the timing for all of this is really bad. i left my mom who is going through all this even though i told her i'd call her every day, which reminds me of this whole reception deal?!?! ... and i don't know. sorry to put all this on you!" she laughed "i haven't even known you for a day and i am already crying! i'm a very open person in case you haven't figured that out! so i'm glad that somebody was anticipating me being here, because i want this time to be of good use. so, thanks."

"i'm sorry sofie." i said.

she shrugged and continued to unload.

"well when you have some time i can show you the spots here that get reception. the best one here on the property in on the corner of the porch, when the wind blows, and if you put your hand out like this."

she laughed. "i get it in this room."

"YOU DO???" this was news to me. it was day one in boamadumase and she was already getting personal blessings from god. "well then, don't worry about the porch."

sofie was in close contact with her family, and each day new news was delivered. her stepdad had a bad fall and was in the hospital in bed, disoriented. she told me and she beamed "he's not doing well, and has completely forgotten how to speak english. at the beginning of his life he spoke only Portuguese, so he's in bed speaking portuguese to my mother and chain smoking cigarettes!" some part of that thought made her happy, but the moment she'd confront the death aspect she'd sheath it off like an ill-fitting robe, which is why on that day in the monkey village when i told of how funerals are considered celebrations here, she still had no interest in going.

"i'd prefer to stay away from death and funerals right now." she said.

andrew and i had quit reading and he had started up a little game of hacky sac with an old water bag filled with dried leaves and a bunch of village children.

we were sitting in a semi-circle of onlookers so i thought i'd try some of my new twi words on them and see the reaction i got. "today we went to the forest, and walked, and looked at things, ants." i said. i had just learned forest but thought i'd try it all out. i said ants because i forgot how to say monkey's.

they all applauded.

i continued tempting them into abnormal conversation. i didn't want to repeat the phrases i always said, i wanted to learn new words. sofie joined the children.

after another hour or two passed a pick up truck drove by and we ran out onto the road to beg it for a lift.

"get in!", all the people in the back shifted their positions and bags of maize to make room for us, and we were on our way to our third destination, an orphaned and disabled childrens community that also had guest houses. we planned to spend the remainder of our time there, but if it was left up to me i would have just asked to continue to our house. i was tired from the traveling and feeling homesick for boamadumase. i couldn't see the purpose of visiting this project for a day and then leaving. i felt a extremely self-conscious of being the tourist who stops in to take pictures and look at how interesting it all was, shake some children's hands and go home to tell people about it. i want to make a difference, and whatever does that really mean? i didn't want to objectify the children, but i wasn't going to be able to get to know them. i was caught in a quandary.

on a deeper level, i didn't want to go BECAUSE of my actual interest, the way a person will spend a lifetime blind to their dreams, doing anything that has nothing to do with what they truly love, due to some foundationless fear or trying to dodge insecurity. i was genuinely curious about this population, orphans and handicapped folk, so why wouldn't i go?
after having worked in california in the schools with children who have disabilities i had an intimate interest. i came to terms with the fact i might not be able to make a difference in their lives directly, that i might just be another random white lady who came and left, but that still was alright. i was going to learn something on their behalf, which is better than nothing.

the waterfall

it was sunday and sofie, andrew, and i had spent the last few days jumping tro tro's and seeing sights.

our first tro tro driver was obviously not concerned about arriving to the waterfalls alive. andrew was gripping the seat in front of him and kept glancing tensely over to sophie, who seemed equally uneasy. the ride was over 3 hours, on a very bumpy road and this man's speeding was so prolific i was thankful the spedometer was broken. i had checked it while i formulated the tragic but miraculous story.

'he was going 130 miles per hour just before we drove off the cliff. i don't know how we all escaped that crash with just a few scrapes and bruises, it was scary for sure!' i'd tell the newscaster, with the wild look of a survivor.

"and can you tell ghana what it feels like to fly?"

"truly incredible. unlike anything else."

my story was boring me so i dealt with the uncomfortable fact that this could be my last ride ever in another way, my favorite way. i fell asleep.

when we did finally make it to the waterfalls my friends were a bit on edge, and sofie was especially ornery. i was hoping she'd take a dip quick, i was certain the cool water would change her mood.

"you just slept the entire way!" andrew said, stupefied.

i looked down and gave a little shrug. 'it's what i do.' i said. then i looked up to take in the beautiful surroundings. we had made it! the waterfall was unlike the one i had been to with senam, this one seemed less intimidating, more interactive, although both were equally gorgeous.

the path of the water was wide, and tiered down from atop a distant slope where it all ended in a large deep pool. you could walk up the rocks, alongside the water, to the most powerful fall at the top of the hill. we had arrived later in the afternoon, missing the midday sun that would have been shining down onto the bottom pool. instead, it was dark and shady and not very enticing. my imagination turned the darkness into murkiness.

"aren't you ladies going to go in?" andrew asked.

we all looked over at the water.

"um, ya, in a little bit." i said.

sofie walked over and stuck her toe in. "it's nice." she said, walking away.

then we sat for awhile.

some locals boys ran and jumped in, filling the area with life and energy and dispelling the feeling that swimming in strange water gives me. but it hadn't left completely. i looked up to the top of the hill, the waterfall was glistening in the sun and i was certain the birds would be chirping up there. maybe i'd see a unicorn?

then i looked around where we were at.

"let's go up there." i said.

so we did.

when we made the short trek to the top sofie and i ran to the water. we both went directly underneath the fall and let it pound down on our backs and head. i have a habit of screaming like a child in waterfalls, of being over dramatic. it is completely fake, but i do it anyway because it heightens the fun factor, like hollering as you drive through a tunnel. i wondered if sofie wanted me to shut up, but i didn't care, so i kept it going.

when we got out the first words out of her mouth, as she was shaking out her hair, were "our chances of having been infected with oncho are now greater than having not."

oncho- Onchocerciasis, a sub-saharan disease transmitted by the bite of a black fly. these flies typically dwell near fast flowing rivers. without treatment it can lead to blindness, known here as 'river blindness'.

i had been reading about it in the tropical disease book but didn't think it was in ghana.

andrew chimed in sarcastically "isn't it great traveling with a doctor?"

she was inspecting her body with a furrowed brow. "we'll just take some Ivermectin when we get back. they have it at the clinic."

then she ran off.

i spent the remainder of the time chasing patches of sun, and defending myself against anything suspicious trying to land on me. i tried washing andrews white shirt in the waterfall and experienced a split second wave of guilt. was i ruining the sacredness of this place by washing our dirty clothes in it? i justified my act as a very ghanaian thing to do, except i wasn't using soap and the shirt wasn't getting clean.

andrew had left adventuring and came back with news.

"we've got this gorgeous waterfall here, really picturesque yeah?" he spanned his hand against the backdrop. "and you just think, this is it. kind of like it just starts pouring out from this spot." he had started to laugh, his chokey laugh, the one i heard when he first saw our mansion house. "but then i took a stroll up the hill and just on the other side there are about 20 women doing their wash! it's really funny to see that!"

it made sense, and i bet most tourists never find out they are swimming in the local washing machine. i had to laugh too.

the day was starting to close, we still had to get to our accommodation before nightfall and it was far away. we all decided to partake in something i consider extreme opulence, but was glad to do. we hired a driver to take us the rest of the way.

i felt refreshed and happy, mixed with a slight bit of paranoia due to the black fly. i just needed to know exactly what the side effects were after being bitten. that way i could recognize them when they came, and if they didn't come, i could manifest them into existence from worrying so much. the ride was long so i had time to remind my self that paranoia is not from God. ultimately, at the root of my paranoia i was fearing pain and death. those are big things to deal with but i wasn't going to let a measly fly, the size of my thumbnail, take me away from the present, from reality, from god, and propel me into the wasteland of whatif's.

by the time i dealt with my self, and took a deep breath, we had arrived at the lodge, in the monkey village. a man greeted us just as we stepped out of the car.

"hello. i am Patrick. I will be your guide tomorrow. meet me here early please. you must be early to see the monkey's."

sofie was excited to see monkey's, she really likes them she said.

i was completely jaded, after having been on 2 african safari's in places renowned for big game wildlife. one had just happened that summer and was filled with jaw dropping sightings. my favorite being a herd of elephants clearing out of the brush in a long single file line, less than 5 feet away. babies gripping their mother's tail's with their short stubby trunks, and the older ones, enormous, with ivory tusks protecting the rest of the herd. one by one they all kept walking out of the bushes, on their way to the other side of the road, where they stepped back into wilderness and away from our eyes. it was truly wild.

there were water buffalo, a blue balled monkey, an early morning baboon party, hippos galore, crocodiles, a leopard hiding deep in some foliage, and so much more that now, i had become indifferent at the thought of going to a monkey reserve. but i kept it a secret, i didn't want to spoil the fun, and monkey's ARE fun.

i entertained the possibility of something incredible happening. maybe i'd get to deliver a monkey baby?

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