"have you ever done a vaginal exam before?" the midwife asked me. her face was as nondescript as a turtles and she seemed to already have trusted me for some reason. i had only been in the hospital for a few hours, waiting with senam in the side room till a baby came. we talked and he told me about his childhood.
"um, once in the village clinic." i said.
"okay, well put on some gloves, you need to check this woman and see where she's at."
i was assuming she meant how far she had dilated, and i had no idea how to tell. but the only way to learn was to do it, so i did.
"what did you feel?" she asked me.
"i felt an opening? and some bumps?" i really didn't know what i felt, except that i had touched it.
"she is dilated to 4 cm and still has some time to go. lets leave her alone."
one day i might be speaking like that too, i thought. then i looked down at my glove. i had put it on wrong. my thumb was in the spot that the pinkie should have been in, fat man in a little coat. but the nurse said it was okay. when i took it off and threw it away i laughed at myself. granted the packaging was misleading, claiming that the glove i removed was supposed to go on the right hand, but was positioned poorly for that, resulting in requiring a lot of handling and possible contamination to fix it into the right spot. i wondered if they were some screw up variety that got shipped over to Africa as a donation.
"come sit in here" she patted a black leather chair in the midwives office.
i left senam to battle the hospital energy all alone.
"so where are you from? what is your name? how do you find Ho?" i got the questions i usually get, and answered them in the usual way, having to pronounce my name 5 times before anyone got it right.
"yes K.C." i said slowly.
"well, my name is Eunice." there wasn't one threatening bone in this woman. if i was going to have a baby i would have hoped for her to deliver me. although i hadn't seen her at work yet.
"come K.C., let me show you back here." she moved a huge curtain and behind it were 3 tables and a lot of medical equipment. i wasn't in the village health clinic anymore, with checkered curtains and roosters crowing outside the window. i was staring at shiny things plugged into walls and a woman dressed in rubber boots and scrubs.
she walked through everything, carefully explaining in a tour bus sort of way. we heard screaming coming from the other room and decided it'd be best to go check.
seconds later we were back in the labour ward with 2 women about to give birth. i stood at the periphery and watched. i had my arms crossed casually, like i was on summer break. i quickly decided it is ludicrous to stand in such a relaxed position (even if i wasn't doing anything) when just feet away a woman was exerting such energy. it was like yawning in the boxing ring.
i uncrossed my arms and stood more at an army stance. that felt better. a little more appropriate and ready for any possible situation. it gave me confidence to get a little closer.
"come here" Eunice said. "look closely. we have to puncture her membranes. they haven't ruptured yet. have you seen someone do this before?"
"yes." i said.
"this is why i wear rubber boots."
i looked down at my feet. Keens, the new hard core backpackers sandal. definitely not hospital material. i was about to be flooded, i feared, so i took a step back.
"but most times it goes straight into the bucket. if the person doing the work is experienced."
her hand did one quick jab and it all slid down, off the table and down the plastic cover into the bucket. i stepped closer.
the woman on the other table was resting as our lady let out one huge scream for all the world to hear (did you hear it?) and the baby emerged. another healthy boy. Eunice wrapped the child in a colorful African cloth and plopped the baby on her chest. she looked so tired, and she was. she barely acknowledged the presence of her effort.
i immediately thought of Ma.
"They will be too tired and they will drop their baby."
was it true?
i stepped closer to the woman, just in case it happened. i felt certain the baby wouldn't hit the floor with me there, i'm athletic.
Eunice took the baby from the mom and brought it over to a table with scale and a few other contraptions. the child still hadn't screamed and it was making me nervous.
"oh don't you worry, i think he's just tired. labor is work for the baby too you know! he'll come around." she stuck a tube down its throat and sucked out some liquid. the machine made such a loud rumble i felt bad for the child. from floating in a heavenly bliss to fluorescent lights and vibrating hospital equipment, it seemed unfair. unfair to an American.
a weak cry emerged, but not a lot more. she bundled him back up and then we both ran over to the other woman. the head of her baby was already poking out.
"Excuse me sister" Eunice said "can you grab that needle and do the injection for me?" She was delivering the baby.
I grabbed the needle she was talking about and stared at it. I could barely put on a glove correctly, i wasn't about to stab this lady with my lack of training.
"i'm sorry i can't do it."
"you can't?" she asked.
"no, i've never done an injection before."
she laughed and grabbed it from me, doing it herself while seconds later pulling the baby out.
Efreeyeh (at the village clinic) keeps trying to get me to insert the needles into the hands of our patients affected with malaria. She sets up the drip and gives me a look, like "today will be the day you will learn." i give her a look back that says 'not today, thanks.'
i'd prefer to go to schooling for that type of thing. maybe practice jabbing a mango before i do a real person. i'm sure just the sensation of a needle piercing through flesh is unsettling the first time and i'd like to learn first how to do it correctly. i don't trust Efreeyeh because her hands shake and she always has to do it twice. her patients never look comfortable and i always have to end up leaving the room.
the first time i saw her set a drip into somebody's hand i almost passed out.
i left the men's ward and had a serious talk with myself. if i couldn't watch a tiny needle enter a vein, how on earth was i going to watch a huge baby exit a vagina.
turns out i can.
the second baby that came was cuter. i hated to think that. both the women had done such great work, and both their children were bundled up together now, resting on the table, waiting to get their information recorded.
"this one is smaller" Eunice said. "maybe 2 kilograms"
i looked down at it's fingers. they were so small they could get stuck between my teeth. so tiny and wrinkled, and pumping with life.
i was glad that one was a boy and one was a girl. i feared a mix-up. but they did just get wrapped up in different cloths.
i was glad i didn't have to scrub a baby down. or i should say, i was glad that the babies didn't have to get scrubbed down. they seemed happier. maybe that was why neither one of them let out a gigantic scream. i had grown accustomed to the gigantic scream and had to assure myself they really were okay.
Eunice was busy delivering the placentas while i monitored the babies heartbeats. not because i was told to, just because they were so quiet i felt i should.
"Yes the white girl is around the corner." i heard a voice say. Then i saw Emma pop her head around and raise her eyebrows. She was surprised. Maybe by the babies, or the women recovering, or just the whole scene.
She walked back, stepping carefully and staring at everything. I realized i wasn't a complete newbie, and also why people laugh at me.
"Kacie, is Senam here?"
"no he left"
"well i brought you two some soup and goat. but the fufuo has run out and you should eat the soup before it gets cold, because it won't be nice then."
"okay, thanks."
we stayed together in the room for a few short minutes, marveling over the children and this world i was slowly becoming a part of. then i washed my hands a few times and went outside to eat.
"where did Senam go?" she asked accusingly.
"he went to Freedom Hotel to meet up with some friends."
"to meet up with who?"
"i don't know."
"when did he leave?"
"about an hour ago but he said he'd be back shortly. you should just wait here."
"no i'm going." and she got up and walked away.
i opened the plastic tupperware and looked at the soup, with the goat chunks bobbing around at the surface. it looked delicious so i headed straight for a hunk of meat. the small thing that i thought was a hunk turned out to be more like an iceberg. i pulled it out and didn't recognize it at first. what part was this? i had seen most parts of a goat floating in my bowl at one time or another, but this part i realized, was actually smiling at me. the teeth were there, all jagged and stained and what i had my fingers in were the nostrils.
was this some type of sick joke?
no fufuo with my soup and a muzzle of a goat.
i couldn't stare at it too long, i was feeling upset. i dropped it back into the bowl and sealed up my meal.
no thanks. i'd save the goat face for senam. even if i did want to eat it i wouldnt know how. pick off the teeth and swallow them whole? and besides i thought i was quite brave to even attempt the tomato soup after having witnessed the red tides in the other room.
the night continued with one more birth, and me having seen my first episiotomy.
senam and emma came back and noticed the soup sitting untouched.
"i saved it for you, i knew you'd be hungry." i wanted to see how he was going to respond to the contents.
"oh thanks kace."
he opened it up and all the oil had conglomerated onto the edges of the bowl. it looked disgusting. then senam fished the head out and started laughing. "eiihh! EMMA!"
Emma couldn't hold back and let loose her own round of laughs. she said we had called after her family had already eaten, and that was the only part that was left. that the fufuo had finished also.
"Eiih! Emmmmaaaa."
i chimed in, chuckled, and told them "you Africans really eat everything." Senam and i have a running joke every time we sit down to eat. he observes at how i pick at my food, and choose what will enter and what won't. i laugh at how he crunches down on chicken bones and chews them to bits. we constantly ask each other 'will you eat this?'. i mostly push chunks of fat, or layers of skin, bones, and intestines his way. and he enjoys it. but a goat head?
"senam, are you going to eat that goat head?" i really wasn't sure one way or the other.
"ummm..." he looked at it closely. "it still has the teeth, and the tongue and everything... i don't think so."
the day had been full and i was ready to go home and sleep.
we left home, carrying the goat head, which is now in the refrigerator waiting for who knows what?
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
a really happy new year *14*
Ernestine came for me.
or should i say, Ernestine waited all day for me while i sat in the Internet lab and wrote.
i was expecting Senam to call me and let me know when she arrived, but he had left and his phone wasn't working. i ended up going back to the house late, around 9 pm. Senam's father was wearing a shirt, therefore able to talk to me. i sat on the couch and told him where i had been, he couldn't believe i would spend that much time in front of a computer. it didn't once occur to him that he spends more than 1/2 the day in front of a television, but i didn't find it my place to point that out to him so instead i let out a passive little giggle and said "well, you know..."
"well any way" he said "my daughter called for you earlier. she wanted to bring you to the hospital, remember?"
of coarse i did.
"well, she is just next door if you'd like to go see her. maybe she can take you now."
Senam came home and we went over to her house. she was sleeping on the couch and we startled her out of it. she sat up, a little confused, but still cheerful.
"let me put my clothes on and lets go."
it was that simple. she knew why i was standing in her living room and she cut right to the chase.
when she came back in she let me know that she wanted to go to church that night, it was New Years Eve and all good Christians went to church, to give thanks to God for the year passed and pray for the year coming. I had already made up my mind that nobody was going to talk me into going. I was tired and could barely handle the thought of keeping up at a Ghanaian church. Its hard enough on a Sunday morning i could not imagine what New Years Eve would be like. i didn't think i'd miss out on too much considering there was an outdoor sanctuary just feet away from my bedroom window. they had microphones and huge speakers and had been lulling me to sleep that entire week, in tongues.
Ernestine didn't offer an invitation to come with her, and i was thankful. Senam was more exhausted than i was but his girlfriend threatened him if he decided to stay home and sleep. i hinted at how amazing it was going to feel to be able to go to bed instead of church just to see if a break-up could occur. i knew he no longer wanted to be with her, and what better day to break up than the last day of the year. he could start free and fresh for 2007.
so the 3 of us walked in the dark to the hospital, which wasn't far at all. i had just taken my malaria medication, which is supposed to be mixed with a stomach full of food. i had scarfed a measly banana and was suffering the effects. i was dizzy and nauseous and keeping it a secret, except that i almost fell over. i just grabbed senam's arm and kept on walking hoping the hospital was well lit and then wondering if it was the best night to be in a labour ward. i'm sure a dizzy inexperienced white chick was all they needed.
Ernestine had worked in this hospital before and immediately i could tell she was on old grounds. she said hello to people and had us sit in a sterile empty room. senam had a funny expression on his face. he curled up the corners of his lips and looked at me.
"hmmmmmm" he hummed his voice and shook his body all around "i really don't like hospitals. they make me feel..."
i understood what he was saying. it is a common dislike. but i wasn't feeling that at all, 2 rooms away i knew what was happening and i wanted to be a part of it.
we sat and waited for a long time, and finally the head midwife came into the room and greeted us. ernestine the liaison smoothed out why i was there and what my purpose would be.
"well you just missed a lot. earlier today we had 4 cases, but now, nothing."
she looked tired, understandably.
"you should just come back tomorrow, i think. maybe you can give us your number and we will call you when a case comes in, then you can come fast and witness."
that sounded okay. a small part of me wanted to explain that i didn't just want to run in at the last minutes and see a baby be born. i wanted to experience it all, from start to finish. i wanted to bond with the mother. but deeper inside i realized now was not the time for that. i don't speak ewe and these women don't know me. the environment was nice, but no birthing mother was going to go out of her way to make me more a part of her experience, and since i didn't know the facilities i couldn't go out of my way either. i was forced to strictly observe.
the last thing i'd ever want to do is objectify the sacredness of birth. i've found myself battling against that here and wondering if i am too affected by my own culture, too politically correct, too sensitive, too relational and empathetic. i don't think i would ever say "push or your baby will die" but i have a hard time even feeling okay watching a woman birth if i don't know her name and she doesn't know mine. no one here thinks it's of any consequence. so what is the big deal, they wonder.
we all agreed tonite was not the best night, being new years eve and all and my big plans to sleep. January 1st 2007 would be a better day to come back.
Ernestine parted ways and walked to church while senam and i took the short route back home. i could tell he was set on going as if he had no other choice. Christians go to church on new years eve. it was deep in his blood and he was fighting sleep to make it happen.
"what time does church start?" i asked.
"8:00 and goes till 12:01 exactly." he said.
i had a hard time imagining Ghanaians being so time oriented and ending worship on the minute after.
"12:01?" i laughed.
"well, 12:01 for me, and then i'm coming back and going out dancing."
"you are going out dancing tonite? after church?" i smiled.
"yeah! i know, i know. it seems a little... whats the word? conflicting. yeah, conflicting."
it didn't in my mind. God likes dancing, i'm sure. does God like drunkenness and all that comes with it? i don't think so. but knowing senam i was sure those weren't the driving factors, i knew he just wanted to dance.
i was noticing my body was feeling better again and i was regaining energy. i was catching my second wind for the night.
"i kind of want to come to church with you now." not sure if i should fully commit.
"okay, that'd be great." he said.
"but i need to change first, put on a skirt or something."
i was wearing trousers and weeks prior Sakola had already let me know that was unacceptable church attire, even if they were flowy loose fitting light blue linen pants that made me feel like i was living in the Hamptons. i fought with him like i was a school girl trying to get away with an outfit her parents disapproved of. i even cried "but why?". Sakola held my hand and walked me to my wardrobe, then pulled out a few skirts, patted my arm, handed them to me, and walked out of my room.
"yeah, that would be a good idea." senam said "i'll just wait here."
we took a taxi across town and up a hill, winding through a few streets before we got to the building. it was the size of a primary school cafeteria and just as full. the mood was ripe with excitement, people were gathered expecting something big, like 4th of July fireworks. i could feel it.
i looked up above and saw the misshapen moon. for a second i wished it was full, then the night would seem perfect. but the sky was big and the moon was there and i was in Africa. i felt great.
i felt content.
there was no room in the church (it also had no walls) and outside people were crowded around the perimeter sitting in chairs and on benches. kids were sprawled lengthwise sleeping due to sheer exhaustion. young boys were gathered in small groups, hunched over playing games in the corners. mothers were 'amen'ing and raising their hands to heaven. some people were falling asleep.
we just stood there not having any where to sit. we were late, about 3 hours late. but no one seemed to care. i walked over to a stack of cement blocks, dusted them off and sat down. a middle aged man ran over to me and pulled me off. there was no way he was going to see a guest sit herself on an old stack of building materials. he cared!
"please madame, let me get you a chair."
"it's okay" i said "i can sit here. i am with my friends and there aren't enough chairs for us all."
a little tricky i admit, but it worked.
"oh no problem, we will find some chairs."
and he did. and then, we were all sitting.
the sermon didn't seem to progress much. the pastor kept saying the same phrase over and over getting just a little bit louder each time. we had been there for 20 minutes and i was growing bored, not to mention my butt was already falling asleep. people kept taking notes and i couldn't figure out why. what was so profound that i had missed?
i decided i must be missing something, so i listened harder.
i noticed how colorful everything was, there were rainbow colored balloons tied to each ceiling fan and they were whipping around in a pre-celebratory frenzy. i wondered if everyone was going to jump up and pop them when the clock struck midnight. or if there would be a countdown and lots of banging on kitchen supplies.
i remembered being young and going to my best friend Valerie's house every New Years. She's 1 of 5 and it always seemed that each sibling had a handful of friends over at once. Holidays were no different, they had the 'open door come anytime we can always order a pizza' type household. i loved it.
New Years we would fight back our sleep and wait for the ball to drop, then run around the house smashing into each other and hitting our pots and pans as loudly as possible, we'd scream and shake and after it was all over drop down from sheer exhaustion.
did people do that here, in the land of faulty watches and frozen clocks?
The pastor yelled enthusiastically for everyone to GET UP! people had grown into their chairs and struggled to free themselves.
"Now repeat after me!" he ordered. "Thank you God for the many blessings you bestowed upon us this past year." i could understand what he was saying, his accent was borderline thick. if i didn't try to listen too carefully it made it a lot easier. the words flowed into my ears.
we repeated "Thank you God for the many blessings you bestowed upon us this past year."
I'm always a little reluctant repeating things in church. it makes me feel funny. i chose right then to get over it.
"We pray that the year 2007" (he said 2007, two taaaaw-sind siven), "be filled with your g-dace and peace and understandeeng"
our turn.
"now" he looked out at us like he was a work-out master and we were just about to begin our routine. little did i know that was exactly what was about to happen, a true physical and spiritual workout was about to take place. the bodies were going to explode like a packet of confetti that suddenly grew arms and legs.
"God, we understand that with thoughts we reap actions, and with actions we reap habits, and with habits" he held his finger in the air and waved it around "we reap cha-ra-ca-ture!!!!!!!" then he got a little quieter and more serious and said "and with char-ra-ca-ture we reap our DESTINY."
we didn't repeat that. we just stared.
"now, God, we pray, we prrrrrrrraaayy our DESTINY reflects your good will and that you will guide us in the year two-taw-sind-siven! we thank you for your goodness and all the gifts you send to us every day! we pull these in!"
people started reaching their arms out and pulling them towards themselves. i looked at senam and asked 'what are they doing?'
"pulling in our blessings!" he said with an enormous grin on his face, his hands darting out in all directions.
"WE PULL THEM IN FROM THE MOON!" pastor yelled "AND FROM THE STARS!"
"we pull them in from the moon and from the stars!" we screamed back.
"WE PULL THEM IN FROM THE NORTH AND FROM THE SOUTH"
"we pull them in from the north and from the south!"
"FROM THE EAST AND THE WEST!"
arms were shooting over and grabbing in my space, people were letting loose and snatching at the air...
"NOW WE PUT ON OUR BOOTS, MADE OF IRON AND MADE OF BRASS" he bent over and slipped into his imaginary shoes "AND WE WALK ALL OVER ANY FORM OF EVIL THAT TRIES TO BLOCK OUR WAY! WE STOMP IT OUT!!!!!!!! WE STOMP IT OUT!!!"
everyone started walking and stomping, reciting in unison exactly what was just said. we all ran around stirring up mini clouds of dust, feeling powerful and inspired. it looked like hundreds of people were putting out mini-fires, and we were, i suppose.
"NOW WE GO TO THE EARTH AND WE PULL UP THE GOLD GOD HAS IN STORE FOR US FOR THE YEAR 2007!"
everyone bent over and started reaching their fingers low and long, some aggressively some delicately collecting their future promises.
this went on for a long time, enough for me to have seriously laughed hard in sheer delight at least 3 times.
i had really gone wild, taking this as my chance to creatively express everything i hadn't been able to voice to God, and doing it with the devotion of an actress on Broadway. i touched the moon, i saw the gold, my feet hurt from my new shoes. i never wanted it to stop.
i noticed a woman walking towards me, wearing the same purple color Ernestine had been in the other day, but this woman was HUGE! i looked at Senam who was bent over reaping his reward. i decided not to say anything, that she was the 3rd largest person i'd ever seen face to face.
but senam looked up just as she walked by. he leaned over to her and asked her something over all the commotion. she nodded, smiled, and gave him a big handshake.
he looked back over to me and said "its the lady from last night!"
i was happy to see her, happy to be celebrating with her. i felt close to her after having spent some time writing about her. she was now a part of my life so i yelled a hello over in towards that direction and she yelled one back.
"NOW GOD WILL COME TONITE AND RESTORE YOUR BODY FOR THE YEAR 2007! HE WILL GIVE YOU HEALTH AND WELLNESS AND TAKE AWAY EVERY BAD THING THAT IS INSIDE!!!!!!!!! HE WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU, FROM YOUR CHILDREN, FROM YOUR FAMILY, HE WILL DESTROY IT. BE GLAD AND KNOW!!!!!!!!!! I SAID, BE GLAD AND KNOW!"
then people started walking around like proud chickens, clucking and bowing to each other in their newly restored bodies. no one was still.
this continued for a good amount of time until we finally wished our neighbors a happy new year, instructed them to be wise with their time and keep prosperous thoughts, and then we spent the last 5 minutes of 2006 individually and simultaneously praying out loud about anything our hearts desired. everyone was spilling their souls.
the woman next to me was crying, out of happiness i think.
i think we prayed past the first 10 minutes of 2007, or at least that's how it felt. i had run out of things to say to God, and didn't want to stand there repeating myself, so i just observed.
The band broke through the prayers and clusters of singers on the small stage took over. the room inside erupted into a really serious dance party, people with their hands in the air twirling their white handkerchiefs around bumping in to each other but not seeming to notice. i looked over at Emma (Senam's girlfriend) and she said she was going in. If she was, so was I. I braced myself for what was about to happen, but realized it was more the type of thing you had to dive head first into.
the second my feet touched the interior i was swept away by a train of people, bumping their booties against me, elbows flinging all around, and really potent waves of b.o.
"2007!" i screamed, not able to hear my own voice over everything. "YAYYYYY!" i jumped and jumped and wiggled and danced. people worked their way around and put their hands on my hips forcing them to move the way they thought they should.
"silly people" i thought "i'll never be able to dance like them, even with their help." but it didn't matter, i just kept moving and yelling and never wanting it to stop.
it did though, eventually, after a very long time and my body drenched in sweat. i had to remove my layers, run the risk of exposing myself to the dreaded mosquito, and go outside to breathe fresh air. Senam asked me if i was enjoying myself. i think it was less of a question and more of a statement. i said yes, but that i was exhausted and was ready to leave at any time.
"What time is it?"
he checked his cell phone and replied "a little past 1".
"are we still going to the club?". i had to ask.
the question seemed so cheap after what we had just gone through.
"no. lets go home, besides tomorrow will be a big day at the hospital, don't you think?"
oh yah. the hospital, that place.
"sounds good to me." i said. and we left.
or should i say, Ernestine waited all day for me while i sat in the Internet lab and wrote.
i was expecting Senam to call me and let me know when she arrived, but he had left and his phone wasn't working. i ended up going back to the house late, around 9 pm. Senam's father was wearing a shirt, therefore able to talk to me. i sat on the couch and told him where i had been, he couldn't believe i would spend that much time in front of a computer. it didn't once occur to him that he spends more than 1/2 the day in front of a television, but i didn't find it my place to point that out to him so instead i let out a passive little giggle and said "well, you know..."
"well any way" he said "my daughter called for you earlier. she wanted to bring you to the hospital, remember?"
of coarse i did.
"well, she is just next door if you'd like to go see her. maybe she can take you now."
Senam came home and we went over to her house. she was sleeping on the couch and we startled her out of it. she sat up, a little confused, but still cheerful.
"let me put my clothes on and lets go."
it was that simple. she knew why i was standing in her living room and she cut right to the chase.
when she came back in she let me know that she wanted to go to church that night, it was New Years Eve and all good Christians went to church, to give thanks to God for the year passed and pray for the year coming. I had already made up my mind that nobody was going to talk me into going. I was tired and could barely handle the thought of keeping up at a Ghanaian church. Its hard enough on a Sunday morning i could not imagine what New Years Eve would be like. i didn't think i'd miss out on too much considering there was an outdoor sanctuary just feet away from my bedroom window. they had microphones and huge speakers and had been lulling me to sleep that entire week, in tongues.
Ernestine didn't offer an invitation to come with her, and i was thankful. Senam was more exhausted than i was but his girlfriend threatened him if he decided to stay home and sleep. i hinted at how amazing it was going to feel to be able to go to bed instead of church just to see if a break-up could occur. i knew he no longer wanted to be with her, and what better day to break up than the last day of the year. he could start free and fresh for 2007.
so the 3 of us walked in the dark to the hospital, which wasn't far at all. i had just taken my malaria medication, which is supposed to be mixed with a stomach full of food. i had scarfed a measly banana and was suffering the effects. i was dizzy and nauseous and keeping it a secret, except that i almost fell over. i just grabbed senam's arm and kept on walking hoping the hospital was well lit and then wondering if it was the best night to be in a labour ward. i'm sure a dizzy inexperienced white chick was all they needed.
Ernestine had worked in this hospital before and immediately i could tell she was on old grounds. she said hello to people and had us sit in a sterile empty room. senam had a funny expression on his face. he curled up the corners of his lips and looked at me.
"hmmmmmm" he hummed his voice and shook his body all around "i really don't like hospitals. they make me feel..."
i understood what he was saying. it is a common dislike. but i wasn't feeling that at all, 2 rooms away i knew what was happening and i wanted to be a part of it.
we sat and waited for a long time, and finally the head midwife came into the room and greeted us. ernestine the liaison smoothed out why i was there and what my purpose would be.
"well you just missed a lot. earlier today we had 4 cases, but now, nothing."
she looked tired, understandably.
"you should just come back tomorrow, i think. maybe you can give us your number and we will call you when a case comes in, then you can come fast and witness."
that sounded okay. a small part of me wanted to explain that i didn't just want to run in at the last minutes and see a baby be born. i wanted to experience it all, from start to finish. i wanted to bond with the mother. but deeper inside i realized now was not the time for that. i don't speak ewe and these women don't know me. the environment was nice, but no birthing mother was going to go out of her way to make me more a part of her experience, and since i didn't know the facilities i couldn't go out of my way either. i was forced to strictly observe.
the last thing i'd ever want to do is objectify the sacredness of birth. i've found myself battling against that here and wondering if i am too affected by my own culture, too politically correct, too sensitive, too relational and empathetic. i don't think i would ever say "push or your baby will die" but i have a hard time even feeling okay watching a woman birth if i don't know her name and she doesn't know mine. no one here thinks it's of any consequence. so what is the big deal, they wonder.
we all agreed tonite was not the best night, being new years eve and all and my big plans to sleep. January 1st 2007 would be a better day to come back.
Ernestine parted ways and walked to church while senam and i took the short route back home. i could tell he was set on going as if he had no other choice. Christians go to church on new years eve. it was deep in his blood and he was fighting sleep to make it happen.
"what time does church start?" i asked.
"8:00 and goes till 12:01 exactly." he said.
i had a hard time imagining Ghanaians being so time oriented and ending worship on the minute after.
"12:01?" i laughed.
"well, 12:01 for me, and then i'm coming back and going out dancing."
"you are going out dancing tonite? after church?" i smiled.
"yeah! i know, i know. it seems a little... whats the word? conflicting. yeah, conflicting."
it didn't in my mind. God likes dancing, i'm sure. does God like drunkenness and all that comes with it? i don't think so. but knowing senam i was sure those weren't the driving factors, i knew he just wanted to dance.
i was noticing my body was feeling better again and i was regaining energy. i was catching my second wind for the night.
"i kind of want to come to church with you now." not sure if i should fully commit.
"okay, that'd be great." he said.
"but i need to change first, put on a skirt or something."
i was wearing trousers and weeks prior Sakola had already let me know that was unacceptable church attire, even if they were flowy loose fitting light blue linen pants that made me feel like i was living in the Hamptons. i fought with him like i was a school girl trying to get away with an outfit her parents disapproved of. i even cried "but why?". Sakola held my hand and walked me to my wardrobe, then pulled out a few skirts, patted my arm, handed them to me, and walked out of my room.
"yeah, that would be a good idea." senam said "i'll just wait here."
we took a taxi across town and up a hill, winding through a few streets before we got to the building. it was the size of a primary school cafeteria and just as full. the mood was ripe with excitement, people were gathered expecting something big, like 4th of July fireworks. i could feel it.
i looked up above and saw the misshapen moon. for a second i wished it was full, then the night would seem perfect. but the sky was big and the moon was there and i was in Africa. i felt great.
i felt content.
there was no room in the church (it also had no walls) and outside people were crowded around the perimeter sitting in chairs and on benches. kids were sprawled lengthwise sleeping due to sheer exhaustion. young boys were gathered in small groups, hunched over playing games in the corners. mothers were 'amen'ing and raising their hands to heaven. some people were falling asleep.
we just stood there not having any where to sit. we were late, about 3 hours late. but no one seemed to care. i walked over to a stack of cement blocks, dusted them off and sat down. a middle aged man ran over to me and pulled me off. there was no way he was going to see a guest sit herself on an old stack of building materials. he cared!
"please madame, let me get you a chair."
"it's okay" i said "i can sit here. i am with my friends and there aren't enough chairs for us all."
a little tricky i admit, but it worked.
"oh no problem, we will find some chairs."
and he did. and then, we were all sitting.
the sermon didn't seem to progress much. the pastor kept saying the same phrase over and over getting just a little bit louder each time. we had been there for 20 minutes and i was growing bored, not to mention my butt was already falling asleep. people kept taking notes and i couldn't figure out why. what was so profound that i had missed?
i decided i must be missing something, so i listened harder.
i noticed how colorful everything was, there were rainbow colored balloons tied to each ceiling fan and they were whipping around in a pre-celebratory frenzy. i wondered if everyone was going to jump up and pop them when the clock struck midnight. or if there would be a countdown and lots of banging on kitchen supplies.
i remembered being young and going to my best friend Valerie's house every New Years. She's 1 of 5 and it always seemed that each sibling had a handful of friends over at once. Holidays were no different, they had the 'open door come anytime we can always order a pizza' type household. i loved it.
New Years we would fight back our sleep and wait for the ball to drop, then run around the house smashing into each other and hitting our pots and pans as loudly as possible, we'd scream and shake and after it was all over drop down from sheer exhaustion.
did people do that here, in the land of faulty watches and frozen clocks?
The pastor yelled enthusiastically for everyone to GET UP! people had grown into their chairs and struggled to free themselves.
"Now repeat after me!" he ordered. "Thank you God for the many blessings you bestowed upon us this past year." i could understand what he was saying, his accent was borderline thick. if i didn't try to listen too carefully it made it a lot easier. the words flowed into my ears.
we repeated "Thank you God for the many blessings you bestowed upon us this past year."
I'm always a little reluctant repeating things in church. it makes me feel funny. i chose right then to get over it.
"We pray that the year 2007" (he said 2007, two taaaaw-sind siven), "be filled with your g-dace and peace and understandeeng"
our turn.
"now" he looked out at us like he was a work-out master and we were just about to begin our routine. little did i know that was exactly what was about to happen, a true physical and spiritual workout was about to take place. the bodies were going to explode like a packet of confetti that suddenly grew arms and legs.
"God, we understand that with thoughts we reap actions, and with actions we reap habits, and with habits" he held his finger in the air and waved it around "we reap cha-ra-ca-ture!!!!!!!" then he got a little quieter and more serious and said "and with char-ra-ca-ture we reap our DESTINY."
we didn't repeat that. we just stared.
"now, God, we pray, we prrrrrrrraaayy our DESTINY reflects your good will and that you will guide us in the year two-taw-sind-siven! we thank you for your goodness and all the gifts you send to us every day! we pull these in!"
people started reaching their arms out and pulling them towards themselves. i looked at senam and asked 'what are they doing?'
"pulling in our blessings!" he said with an enormous grin on his face, his hands darting out in all directions.
"WE PULL THEM IN FROM THE MOON!" pastor yelled "AND FROM THE STARS!"
"we pull them in from the moon and from the stars!" we screamed back.
"WE PULL THEM IN FROM THE NORTH AND FROM THE SOUTH"
"we pull them in from the north and from the south!"
"FROM THE EAST AND THE WEST!"
arms were shooting over and grabbing in my space, people were letting loose and snatching at the air...
"NOW WE PUT ON OUR BOOTS, MADE OF IRON AND MADE OF BRASS" he bent over and slipped into his imaginary shoes "AND WE WALK ALL OVER ANY FORM OF EVIL THAT TRIES TO BLOCK OUR WAY! WE STOMP IT OUT!!!!!!!! WE STOMP IT OUT!!!"
everyone started walking and stomping, reciting in unison exactly what was just said. we all ran around stirring up mini clouds of dust, feeling powerful and inspired. it looked like hundreds of people were putting out mini-fires, and we were, i suppose.
"NOW WE GO TO THE EARTH AND WE PULL UP THE GOLD GOD HAS IN STORE FOR US FOR THE YEAR 2007!"
everyone bent over and started reaching their fingers low and long, some aggressively some delicately collecting their future promises.
this went on for a long time, enough for me to have seriously laughed hard in sheer delight at least 3 times.
i had really gone wild, taking this as my chance to creatively express everything i hadn't been able to voice to God, and doing it with the devotion of an actress on Broadway. i touched the moon, i saw the gold, my feet hurt from my new shoes. i never wanted it to stop.
i noticed a woman walking towards me, wearing the same purple color Ernestine had been in the other day, but this woman was HUGE! i looked at Senam who was bent over reaping his reward. i decided not to say anything, that she was the 3rd largest person i'd ever seen face to face.
but senam looked up just as she walked by. he leaned over to her and asked her something over all the commotion. she nodded, smiled, and gave him a big handshake.
he looked back over to me and said "its the lady from last night!"
i was happy to see her, happy to be celebrating with her. i felt close to her after having spent some time writing about her. she was now a part of my life so i yelled a hello over in towards that direction and she yelled one back.
"NOW GOD WILL COME TONITE AND RESTORE YOUR BODY FOR THE YEAR 2007! HE WILL GIVE YOU HEALTH AND WELLNESS AND TAKE AWAY EVERY BAD THING THAT IS INSIDE!!!!!!!!! HE WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU, FROM YOUR CHILDREN, FROM YOUR FAMILY, HE WILL DESTROY IT. BE GLAD AND KNOW!!!!!!!!!! I SAID, BE GLAD AND KNOW!"
then people started walking around like proud chickens, clucking and bowing to each other in their newly restored bodies. no one was still.
this continued for a good amount of time until we finally wished our neighbors a happy new year, instructed them to be wise with their time and keep prosperous thoughts, and then we spent the last 5 minutes of 2006 individually and simultaneously praying out loud about anything our hearts desired. everyone was spilling their souls.
the woman next to me was crying, out of happiness i think.
i think we prayed past the first 10 minutes of 2007, or at least that's how it felt. i had run out of things to say to God, and didn't want to stand there repeating myself, so i just observed.
The band broke through the prayers and clusters of singers on the small stage took over. the room inside erupted into a really serious dance party, people with their hands in the air twirling their white handkerchiefs around bumping in to each other but not seeming to notice. i looked over at Emma (Senam's girlfriend) and she said she was going in. If she was, so was I. I braced myself for what was about to happen, but realized it was more the type of thing you had to dive head first into.
the second my feet touched the interior i was swept away by a train of people, bumping their booties against me, elbows flinging all around, and really potent waves of b.o.
"2007!" i screamed, not able to hear my own voice over everything. "YAYYYYY!" i jumped and jumped and wiggled and danced. people worked their way around and put their hands on my hips forcing them to move the way they thought they should.
"silly people" i thought "i'll never be able to dance like them, even with their help." but it didn't matter, i just kept moving and yelling and never wanting it to stop.
it did though, eventually, after a very long time and my body drenched in sweat. i had to remove my layers, run the risk of exposing myself to the dreaded mosquito, and go outside to breathe fresh air. Senam asked me if i was enjoying myself. i think it was less of a question and more of a statement. i said yes, but that i was exhausted and was ready to leave at any time.
"What time is it?"
he checked his cell phone and replied "a little past 1".
"are we still going to the club?". i had to ask.
the question seemed so cheap after what we had just gone through.
"no. lets go home, besides tomorrow will be a big day at the hospital, don't you think?"
oh yah. the hospital, that place.
"sounds good to me." i said. and we left.
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