what did you get me for xmas?

i have returned to the village, and didn't realize how much the 1 week trip away refueled me and got me excited to come back. i missed the quiet purr of a village, no huge cars honking their horns and puffing out exhaust. no streets to sprint across or rivers of sewage to leap over, no white people avoiding eye contact from you as if you were ruining their unique African experience, no stores to go into...(okay maybe a store would be nice). the entire ride back i felt little rushes of excitement for things like sleeping in my own bed again *although that is a story in itself

i soon discovered, i would have been more thrilled to see people if each time they saw me the first thing out of their mouth wasn't

"where is my Xmas gift?" they pronounce the X too, and for some reason it never sits right with me. not because "it's crossing out the Christ", mostly because it sounds bad. immature or something. like a spoken text message. so yes, i returned to at least 15 people asking me why i hadn't got them a present. at first i felt guilty when i saw Efreeyeh walking through the village, dressed up in a hawaiian flowered ensemble, looking pretty. i let out a little scream when i saw her, as if she was my long lost high school buddy. i ran over and gave her a very strong handshake. then she said it.

"where is my Xmas gift?"

sakola walked over and started telling her i hadn't gotten him anything either, and then they continued to act like i had just done something so horrible, shaking their heads in disapproval.

i was confused, i couldn't tell if they were kidding or if i had really offended them and our newly found friendship was going to slip through the cracks because i failed to be considerate. i looked into sakolas eyes. then over at efreeyeh.

"at least you could have brought us back some bread!"

i tried to explain that bread as a gift would have been the last thing i'd thought to bring. we don't give bread to people in the u.s.. i instantly imagined it, stockings stuffed with rolls of sourdough. or knocking on my brother's door with a loaf of white wonder bread wrapped up. or maybe i'd splurge and get organic whole wheat. the image was ridiculous. i wanted them to see my point, but the fact was, i didn't have ANYTHING.

"a piece of toffee? rice?" they continued.

i started feeling really bad, so i told sakola we should keep walking to the clinic, i still had a lot of people to greet.

along the way i saw more folks, all of who didn't speak english and all of who i pretended not to hear what they were saying in twi. the ordeal was the equivalent of a half day of selling girl scout cookies door to door. it took that much time and that much energy.

then we got to the clinic. by this time i was exhausted by defending myself and was glad to see Watchman, he's Muslim.

Kiisssssssss! (he hisses my name)

"Watchman!"

"Oh Kissssssss, you are welcome. Happy New Year!!!"

everything was going smoothly and i thanked God for Muslims.

"Happy New Year Watchman!" i said. "How are things?"

Our conversation had reached saturation point. There were no more english words he could dredge up to use to communicate with me and i had to store up my energy talking with everyone else. I was about to say goodbye when he grabbed my shoulder and gave it a little shake, speaking the same words i had been hearing the past few interactions. i wanted to melt into the ground and dissappear. WHHHHHY?

i pretended to have no idea what he was asking me, so Sakola stepped in and instantly learned fluent English.


"He's asking why you did not bring him gift for Buronya?"

"Is he serious?" i really wanted to know.

"You- you bring him something."

was this an order? or was this a question?

i retorted "i bring him something? i bring him something? i did not bring him anything."

i looked over at Watchman and all of a sudden he looked really sad. I didn't like this look on him, he resembles an African version of Robin Williams, and when ever we meet the exchange is always lighthearted and free. Now the Robin Williams look was giving way to a more 'save the children'type face. His eyes got bigger and his mouth sagged.

Sakola said "Watchman says if you didn't bring him anything you can at least give him a Xmas bonus. For watching everything."

Oh, so now it was up to me to hand out bonuses??? It was his job to watch everything, i assumed that was why we all called him Watchman.

"He wants me to give him a bonus???" i asked.

They both agreed in unison by giving me very excited nods, and then Watchman pathetically put out his hands like he was begging.

i was starting to feel used. like the only reason people had been nice to me in december was because secretly they thought i was santa claus. maybe i should have rode back into the village with a bunch of goats guiding my sleigh and a huge sack of gifts, i could have just thrown them to any random person who yelled my name. Sakola was starting to translate some more, and i couldn't take it any longer. the frustration of cultural exchange, of not truly being able to understand what was going on, of not being able to communicate fully was taking its toll.

i turned my back to them both and walked away.i knew what i was doing. i was being incredibly rude. i was disrespecting an elder and ignoring my friends plea's to turn around and come back. he was yelling at me the entire time i walked away from the clinic and over the hill. my heart was pounding and i wanted to cry. i felt incredibly alone. instead i swallowed everything i was feeling and let it propell me through the cat calls.

i made it back home, saw the bird dangling from the pole for the first time in a week, and scoffed. it was deteriorating and it looked thin. i walked up the porch over to the front door only to find it was locked.

sakola had the keys.

damnit.

well i definately wasn't going back there to get them, and besides i was positive he was close to running after me. he'd be here soon, i was sure.

instead, i sat on the porch and watched the huge sun fall behind some distant trees. i tried to feel peaceful because of that, because afterall, i was in africa and i saw the sun set behind some typical african scenery. shouldn't that still the spirit?

it didn't, so instead i picked at my skin until it got dark. i was glad that i couldn't see the aftereffects of that, and mad that Sakola was taking so long.

i had noticed the porch was free of bird poop, and i had always admired what a smooth cool ground our porch had. i had been wanting to do yoga out here for weeks. the first time i saw the porch i had visions of tranquility. early morning rising, stretching and breathing, building strength, doing headstands to amaze all the locals.

i stretched out into downward dog.

yikes. i was tight.

i went from downward dog into a succession of poses, all of which were happening with the fluidity of an old tractor rumbling down the road. i didn't care though, it was easing my tension.

i was out on the porch for over an hour, making myself busy, when Sakola arrived with the keys and dinner. Apparently he didn't speak English anymore, but i was in a peaceful enough mood to explain in Twi that i can't give presents and money to every single person i have ever shook hands with.

He told me when i walked away his heart felt bad and he was only joking. He said "me di agoro". That means 'i was kidding.' Right when he said the phrase i recognized it, only because i had made up flash cards 2 weeks prior and i remember writing it, although i still had no idea what it meant.

'wo di agoro?' i asked.

'yes, me di agoro!'

i racked my brain, trying to remember exactly what that meant.

"wait here, i'm coming back!"

i ran to my room and flipped through my flashcards. it was the last one.

di agoro, to joke.

so all these people had been joking with me?

i went back outside. i told him i was glad that he was only joking, but that i personally didn't think it was funny. please don't tell me those jokes anymore. not this year, not next, never again.

he said okay, and we washed our hands and dipped them into the same bowl to eat some fufuo.