boneshaker

the woman had been in labor for over a day. Ma's had changed her hairdo from what she called "jerry", a short bob with tight curls, to a high ponytail that fell down her back, like a 50's girl, and the wait had really ruined her look. instead of the smooth thick mane of fake hair, it was tangled and matted from resting and waiting. she had a days worth of grease streaking her cheeks and her eyes were bloodshot.

we all were tired, and it was the middle of a hot day and i had run out of ways to keep myself occupied.

i tried yoga in the first stage room, next to Ma while she rested. she watched me, and yelled to efreeyeh in the other room that 'i was REALLY exercising!'. yoga is not relaxing when somebody is staring at you, so i stopped. i was too conscious of Ma. 'she is already tired!' Ma informed efreeyeh. 'you see? she's grown tired.' then she laughed.

before yoga i had finished a really good book and i wasn't ready to start another. the characters were still tingling through my body, still alive and next to me. it wouldn't be right to skip through that sensation and dive into another. it'd feel too much like rebounding.

i had napped for a few hours, had eaten too much, and had visited everyone in the clinic at least once.

"go and check your patient to see how far she is." Ma told me.

i went, put on a glove, and checked.

"WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN?!" Ma yelled from the bed.

i looked at efreeyeh like maybe she had the answer. i still had a very hard time measuring dilation. i needed more guidance, more instruction, more something.

"WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN? HUH!?"

"um, i think, she's at 6."

"6!" then came Ma's favorite line again... "DO YOU SEE HOW A MIDWIFE SUFFERS?!"

"well i'm not sure if it's 6, i think."

i went to stand between the two rooms, in the doorway, and i told Ma i needed more practice with that sort of thing. "can you come check? just so we really know?"

"but you shouldn't have done it if you don't know how. you see, the risk of infection will be high. efreeyeh! check!"

efreeyeh put on a glove, examed the lady, then yelled "6".

a little surge of pride ran up and down my spine. i was right. or... we were both wrong.

"are you sure?" i whispered.

she glanced at me sideways and snort laughed. "akua!"

"so looks like we'll be here all day." i said. "efreeyeh, tell me a joke."

she didn't say anything. she sat down on the childrens stool, with her head in her palms, and closed her eyes.

i prodded her awake "let's do something! we've been sleeping all day!"

"okay, what?" she asked.

"i don't know."

just then Ma came into the room with a surge of motivation to teach me something.

when she stood in the doorway she blocked the entire thing. i looked up at her from where efreeyeh and i were sitting and she resembled some magnificent sea creature, big and dark with wild hair for tentacles, and ready to emerge from it's sea cave.

"kaisy look." she said.

she balled up her chubby soft fist and held it out to me, there was a tiny hole she had created in the center. "this is 3 cm. you see?"

i bowed my head. "yes."

"here is 4" she made the hold a little larger "and 5, 6, and 7" the hold grew as she stuck her other hands fingers into the space "8, 9, and" her entire other hand shot through "10 cm! this is 10 cm."

"what is 1?" i asked.

"one is the size of a pinhole. very small. you see?"

i nodded.

"okay" she said "then now you know. you will be able to examine and see, then you can tell me."

she turned around, walked out, and got back onto the bed.

i looked at efreeyeh and asked her to show me 7 cm. efreeyeh's was much larger than Ma's and this style of learning was doing me no good, it was painfully inexact.

"c'mon" i said "arts and crafts time."

i went and grabbed some old cardboard, my swiss army knife, a pen, and a measuring tape.

"akua, you are doing what?" efreeyeh asked.

"lets cut out the cervix." i said. sofie had given me this idea, i just hadn't acted on it until now.

"lets go from 1-10, cut out the holes, then quiz each other."

we put down a dark blue sheet, on the floor next to Ma. Ma leaned over the side of the bed and watched us, approving of our activity. "see how the 1 is a pinhole?" she pointed.

when i cut out 10 cm and it was the size of a baby pizza, efreeyeh yelped. "akua, is too big!"

"i know, it's huge. you, one day, will be opening like this." then i threw the chunk of cardboard in her direction.

"no" she said "it's incorrect. you've cut it too big."

"i measured it, it's not too big." i grabbed it back. "it's 10 cm. exactly." then i stuck my face through and tried to make it look like i was being birthed. "waaaaaa..."

efreeyeh took the cardboard from me, and pressed the top of her head into the hole, while i said "chim chim" which is "push" in twi.

the scrap of cut out cardboard cervix kept us busy for quite a while, as we enacted all the different ways to be born, and stuck our faces turning to show eachother our hideous entry into the world. efreeyeh put her tongue through, her nose, her big eye.

we were Ma's live entertainment, and she loved it.

efreeyeh said "boneshaykaa kezzy!"

"what?"

"you are a boneshaykaa!"

"a boneshaker?"

"yes, boneshaykaa kezzy. you cut your holes too big. you make the women suffer if you expect this from them. boneshaykaa!"

i sprang up and made up a very passionate impromptu boneshaker dance, where i crouched low and shook my knees all around, threw my arms high into the sky and leaned back my head singing "BBBOOONNEEEESHHHAAKKEEERRR!!!"

Ma buried her face in the pillow and couldn't stop laughing. her whole body convulsed and the squeaky bed rattled. efreeyeh thought it was funny too, i actually hadn't ever seen her laugh that hard before. the reaction only egged me on to continue, with double the passion. this time i shook my butt too, and efreeyeh turned away from me to catch her breath. but she wasn't able.

i stopped for their sake and because i knew i was bordering ridiculous, but after 30 hours of waiting, one starts to go a little mad. relationships in this line of work seem to border more on family than on work.

efreeyeh walked behind Ma's head, where she couldn't be seen, and waved to me to look at her. then she silently lipped "boneshaykaa!" and did her own version, which was 10 times faster and more jiggly than mine. but i knew she didn't want Ma to see her boneshakin', so i had to hold back my laugh.

when the woman delivered and was resting next to her baby in the nursery, efreeyeh called me in to be with them all.

"do boneshaykaa." she said.

i wasn't really in the mood to be acting like that in front of our patients. "what? no." i replied. then i turned to walk out.

"akua, this is my friend." she said, patting the mother's back.

"so?"

"so she wants to see you boneshake."

"you first."

"akua! boneshake, i beg."

i looked at the mom, all ratty and exhausted needing a cheap thrill. i threw my arms up in the air, wobbled my knees, and did a quiet chant. she looked quite pleased to have witnessed my dance, and efreeyeh was about to break down laughing again when she looked at her friend and said "see, it's too funny."

i walked out of the nursery and went to finish the clean-up.

i thought of something sofie had told me one day while i was engaged in a water fight with some townspeople. she said, in the village she never felt like she could get away from being a doctor, from having to stay professional. "there is a barrier i can't break through."

this idea hadn't really ever crossed my mind, and when it did, it made me feel more like a kid than i had felt in a long time. i was a little embarrassed, feeling immature and unprofessional, and also incredibly relieved. relieved to be a free country.

i think she would have disapproved of my dancing.

maybe when i'm a certified midwife some newfound hubris will keep me from boneshakin'. but until then...