the monkey's and the wait

we spent the morning at the monkey sanctuary, where the little scoundrels ran up to us and snatched peanuts out of our hands and we were lead by a guide who was retiring that month. he was calloused from the routine of his occupation, walking through the forest with big groups of overly curious tourists asking the same questions, but he was in love with the monkeys, you could tell the minute he saw one.

the morning came and went and when sofie got her monkey fix, we left.

the monkey village is quite a ways off the main road and we were told by the staff at the lodge that if we waited at the junction a tro tro would surely pass by and deliver us to the next big city.

it was still early, so we all walked to the "junction" which was really only a fork in the dirt road. we found a shady spot, underneath a friendly tree and stood. as what usually happens, a stranger anticipated our unvoiced, unmet need and shortly a small child ran over to us with a bench.

he told us with his hands to sit.

"that was nice." andrew said. "i wonder where the bench came from?"

i had long ago stopped wondering about things like that.

"i hope a tro tro comes soon." sofie said.

i had long ago quit relying on the idea of a tro tro operating on some sort of dependable schedule.

after waiting about 45 minutes, sofie asked me if i wanted to read to her. we had started Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe.

"Ya i'd love to!" it was the perfect solution to pass the time.

i looked over at andrew. he looked lost.

"i'm sorry andrew. have i taken your job?"

he said yes in a polite but honest way. but i still wanted to read.

"how about we do one chapter one chapter?" i said pointing once at him and once at me. i assumed sofie didn't want to read, since she never had before and she wasn't speaking up.

"that sounds good." he said and i handed him the book. he opened it and read with a charged tenacity and i could tell he loved reading in general, but he really loved reading to sofie.

it was a good thing we had the book and not a lot to do because we ended up waiting for hours. each time a car drove by they told us they weren't going in our direction. they were heading to the funeral that was in the monkey village, did we want to come? none of us were up to a funeral, each for different reasons, so we kept reading.

the first day i met sofie in boamadumase, as the sun set and she settled into her room and the idea of having no electricity, i knocked on her door to mention something of no importance.

"can i come in?" i then asked.

"oh yes come on in."

andrew was sitting on the newly bought bed. the room echoed and looked bald. sakola had just moved out that morning to let sofie in. he woke up at 5 to paint the patches of the wall where the ceiling had leaked and left dripping marks. he painted it in white even though the walls were yellow, and laughed the entire time. paint was everywhere and i thought it looked horrible. 'sako it looks bad! why are you doing it in white?' he was offended that i said it looked bad and then blamed it all on auntie.

"how do you like your paint job?" i said jokingly.

she was busy unpacking chotchke.

"what's that?" i asked.

"oh that?" pointing over by her window "those are rechargeable batteries, solar powered."

"ahhhh, i see. so do you like your room?"

"yes it's huge! i'm going to do yoga in here, it's so big how could i not?"

"good, i'm glad you like it. there was a wild frenzy going on here right before you came. we spent the past few days cleaning and sakola woke up this morning and painted the wall to make your room look nice..."

"well i'm glad somebody cared we were coming!"

she shot andrew a look.

"we just came from a week at agogo hospital and it was like 'why'd you come?' nobody seemed to care if we were there or not and i was starting to feel like maybe i just shouldn't have come at all!" she seemed angry. "i'm so relieved to be in the village. it's got a nice feeling and everybody is so welcoming. i'm sorry if i seem a bit upset, it's just that coming to ghana was a really big decision for me. i basically just left my stepdad who is dying." she paused to hold back the surge of tears that was so obvious in coming. she shook it off. "yeah, so i don't know. i've been planning this trip for quite some time now and then my stepfather became very ill so i stayed to be with him, but it was akward because he wanted me to just leave and come here, but i wanted to support him. but he thought i was basically just sitting around waiting for him to die, which is awful. and... i wanted to be here, not that i want him to die, at all, but he's got cancer and he won't be getting better. so it was a big deal for me to come here. and i feel really guilty about it." her eyes welled up and her chest puffed out. andrew was about to interrupt her and then she said "no i don't feel guilty, because fuck it's my life too. i have to live my life. but the timing for all of this is really bad. i left my mom who is going through all this even though i told her i'd call her every day, which reminds me of this whole reception deal?!?! ... and i don't know. sorry to put all this on you!" she laughed "i haven't even known you for a day and i am already crying! i'm a very open person in case you haven't figured that out! so i'm glad that somebody was anticipating me being here, because i want this time to be of good use. so, thanks."

"i'm sorry sofie." i said.

she shrugged and continued to unload.

"well when you have some time i can show you the spots here that get reception. the best one here on the property in on the corner of the porch, when the wind blows, and if you put your hand out like this."

she laughed. "i get it in this room."

"YOU DO???" this was news to me. it was day one in boamadumase and she was already getting personal blessings from god. "well then, don't worry about the porch."

sofie was in close contact with her family, and each day new news was delivered. her stepdad had a bad fall and was in the hospital in bed, disoriented. she told me and she beamed "he's not doing well, and has completely forgotten how to speak english. at the beginning of his life he spoke only Portuguese, so he's in bed speaking portuguese to my mother and chain smoking cigarettes!" some part of that thought made her happy, but the moment she'd confront the death aspect she'd sheath it off like an ill-fitting robe, which is why on that day in the monkey village when i told of how funerals are considered celebrations here, she still had no interest in going.

"i'd prefer to stay away from death and funerals right now." she said.

andrew and i had quit reading and he had started up a little game of hacky sac with an old water bag filled with dried leaves and a bunch of village children.

we were sitting in a semi-circle of onlookers so i thought i'd try some of my new twi words on them and see the reaction i got. "today we went to the forest, and walked, and looked at things, ants." i said. i had just learned forest but thought i'd try it all out. i said ants because i forgot how to say monkey's.

they all applauded.

i continued tempting them into abnormal conversation. i didn't want to repeat the phrases i always said, i wanted to learn new words. sofie joined the children.

after another hour or two passed a pick up truck drove by and we ran out onto the road to beg it for a lift.

"get in!", all the people in the back shifted their positions and bags of maize to make room for us, and we were on our way to our third destination, an orphaned and disabled childrens community that also had guest houses. we planned to spend the remainder of our time there, but if it was left up to me i would have just asked to continue to our house. i was tired from the traveling and feeling homesick for boamadumase. i couldn't see the purpose of visiting this project for a day and then leaving. i felt a extremely self-conscious of being the tourist who stops in to take pictures and look at how interesting it all was, shake some children's hands and go home to tell people about it. i want to make a difference, and whatever does that really mean? i didn't want to objectify the children, but i wasn't going to be able to get to know them. i was caught in a quandary.

on a deeper level, i didn't want to go BECAUSE of my actual interest, the way a person will spend a lifetime blind to their dreams, doing anything that has nothing to do with what they truly love, due to some foundationless fear or trying to dodge insecurity. i was genuinely curious about this population, orphans and handicapped folk, so why wouldn't i go?
after having worked in california in the schools with children who have disabilities i had an intimate interest. i came to terms with the fact i might not be able to make a difference in their lives directly, that i might just be another random white lady who came and left, but that still was alright. i was going to learn something on their behalf, which is better than nothing.