lots of heads for one day *15*

"have you ever done a vaginal exam before?" the midwife asked me. her face was as nondescript as a turtles and she seemed to already have trusted me for some reason. i had only been in the hospital for a few hours, waiting with senam in the side room till a baby came. we talked and he told me about his childhood.

"um, once in the village clinic." i said.

"okay, well put on some gloves, you need to check this woman and see where she's at."

i was assuming she meant how far she had dilated, and i had no idea how to tell. but the only way to learn was to do it, so i did.

"what did you feel?" she asked me.

"i felt an opening? and some bumps?" i really didn't know what i felt, except that i had touched it.

"she is dilated to 4 cm and still has some time to go. lets leave her alone."

one day i might be speaking like that too, i thought. then i looked down at my glove. i had put it on wrong. my thumb was in the spot that the pinkie should have been in, fat man in a little coat. but the nurse said it was okay. when i took it off and threw it away i laughed at myself. granted the packaging was misleading, claiming that the glove i removed was supposed to go on the right hand, but was positioned poorly for that, resulting in requiring a lot of handling and possible contamination to fix it into the right spot. i wondered if they were some screw up variety that got shipped over to Africa as a donation.

"come sit in here" she patted a black leather chair in the midwives office.

i left senam to battle the hospital energy all alone.

"so where are you from? what is your name? how do you find Ho?" i got the questions i usually get, and answered them in the usual way, having to pronounce my name 5 times before anyone got it right.

"yes K.C." i said slowly.

"well, my name is Eunice." there wasn't one threatening bone in this woman. if i was going to have a baby i would have hoped for her to deliver me. although i hadn't seen her at work yet.

"come K.C., let me show you back here." she moved a huge curtain and behind it were 3 tables and a lot of medical equipment. i wasn't in the village health clinic anymore, with checkered curtains and roosters crowing outside the window. i was staring at shiny things plugged into walls and a woman dressed in rubber boots and scrubs.

she walked through everything, carefully explaining in a tour bus sort of way. we heard screaming coming from the other room and decided it'd be best to go check.

seconds later we were back in the labour ward with 2 women about to give birth. i stood at the periphery and watched. i had my arms crossed casually, like i was on summer break. i quickly decided it is ludicrous to stand in such a relaxed position (even if i wasn't doing anything) when just feet away a woman was exerting such energy. it was like yawning in the boxing ring.

i uncrossed my arms and stood more at an army stance. that felt better. a little more appropriate and ready for any possible situation. it gave me confidence to get a little closer.

"come here" Eunice said. "look closely. we have to puncture her membranes. they haven't ruptured yet. have you seen someone do this before?"

"yes." i said.

"this is why i wear rubber boots."

i looked down at my feet. Keens, the new hard core backpackers sandal. definitely not hospital material. i was about to be flooded, i feared, so i took a step back.

"but most times it goes straight into the bucket. if the person doing the work is experienced."

her hand did one quick jab and it all slid down, off the table and down the plastic cover into the bucket. i stepped closer.

the woman on the other table was resting as our lady let out one huge scream for all the world to hear (did you hear it?) and the baby emerged. another healthy boy. Eunice wrapped the child in a colorful African cloth and plopped the baby on her chest. she looked so tired, and she was. she barely acknowledged the presence of her effort.

i immediately thought of Ma.

"They will be too tired and they will drop their baby."

was it true?

i stepped closer to the woman, just in case it happened. i felt certain the baby wouldn't hit the floor with me there, i'm athletic.

Eunice took the baby from the mom and brought it over to a table with scale and a few other contraptions. the child still hadn't screamed and it was making me nervous.

"oh don't you worry, i think he's just tired. labor is work for the baby too you know! he'll come around." she stuck a tube down its throat and sucked out some liquid. the machine made such a loud rumble i felt bad for the child. from floating in a heavenly bliss to fluorescent lights and vibrating hospital equipment, it seemed unfair. unfair to an American.

a weak cry emerged, but not a lot more. she bundled him back up and then we both ran over to the other woman. the head of her baby was already poking out.

"Excuse me sister" Eunice said "can you grab that needle and do the injection for me?" She was delivering the baby.

I grabbed the needle she was talking about and stared at it. I could barely put on a glove correctly, i wasn't about to stab this lady with my lack of training.

"i'm sorry i can't do it."

"you can't?" she asked.

"no, i've never done an injection before."

she laughed and grabbed it from me, doing it herself while seconds later pulling the baby out.

Efreeyeh (at the village clinic) keeps trying to get me to insert the needles into the hands of our patients affected with malaria. She sets up the drip and gives me a look, like "today will be the day you will learn." i give her a look back that says 'not today, thanks.'

i'd prefer to go to schooling for that type of thing. maybe practice jabbing a mango before i do a real person. i'm sure just the sensation of a needle piercing through flesh is unsettling the first time and i'd like to learn first how to do it correctly. i don't trust Efreeyeh because her hands shake and she always has to do it twice. her patients never look comfortable and i always have to end up leaving the room.

the first time i saw her set a drip into somebody's hand i almost passed out.

i left the men's ward and had a serious talk with myself. if i couldn't watch a tiny needle enter a vein, how on earth was i going to watch a huge baby exit a vagina.

turns out i can.

the second baby that came was cuter. i hated to think that. both the women had done such great work, and both their children were bundled up together now, resting on the table, waiting to get their information recorded.

"this one is smaller" Eunice said. "maybe 2 kilograms"

i looked down at it's fingers. they were so small they could get stuck between my teeth. so tiny and wrinkled, and pumping with life.

i was glad that one was a boy and one was a girl. i feared a mix-up. but they did just get wrapped up in different cloths.

i was glad i didn't have to scrub a baby down. or i should say, i was glad that the babies didn't have to get scrubbed down. they seemed happier. maybe that was why neither one of them let out a gigantic scream. i had grown accustomed to the gigantic scream and had to assure myself they really were okay.

Eunice was busy delivering the placentas while i monitored the babies heartbeats. not because i was told to, just because they were so quiet i felt i should.

"Yes the white girl is around the corner." i heard a voice say. Then i saw Emma pop her head around and raise her eyebrows. She was surprised. Maybe by the babies, or the women recovering, or just the whole scene.

She walked back, stepping carefully and staring at everything. I realized i wasn't a complete newbie, and also why people laugh at me.

"Kacie, is Senam here?"

"no he left"

"well i brought you two some soup and goat. but the fufuo has run out and you should eat the soup before it gets cold, because it won't be nice then."

"okay, thanks."

we stayed together in the room for a few short minutes, marveling over the children and this world i was slowly becoming a part of. then i washed my hands a few times and went outside to eat.

"where did Senam go?" she asked accusingly.

"he went to Freedom Hotel to meet up with some friends."

"to meet up with who?"

"i don't know."

"when did he leave?"

"about an hour ago but he said he'd be back shortly. you should just wait here."

"no i'm going." and she got up and walked away.

i opened the plastic tupperware and looked at the soup, with the goat chunks bobbing around at the surface. it looked delicious so i headed straight for a hunk of meat. the small thing that i thought was a hunk turned out to be more like an iceberg. i pulled it out and didn't recognize it at first. what part was this? i had seen most parts of a goat floating in my bowl at one time or another, but this part i realized, was actually smiling at me. the teeth were there, all jagged and stained and what i had my fingers in were the nostrils.

was this some type of sick joke?

no fufuo with my soup and a muzzle of a goat.

i couldn't stare at it too long, i was feeling upset. i dropped it back into the bowl and sealed up my meal.

no thanks. i'd save the goat face for senam. even if i did want to eat it i wouldnt know how. pick off the teeth and swallow them whole? and besides i thought i was quite brave to even attempt the tomato soup after having witnessed the red tides in the other room.

the night continued with one more birth, and me having seen my first episiotomy.

senam and emma came back and noticed the soup sitting untouched.

"i saved it for you, i knew you'd be hungry." i wanted to see how he was going to respond to the contents.

"oh thanks kace."

he opened it up and all the oil had conglomerated onto the edges of the bowl. it looked disgusting. then senam fished the head out and started laughing. "eiihh! EMMA!"

Emma couldn't hold back and let loose her own round of laughs. she said we had called after her family had already eaten, and that was the only part that was left. that the fufuo had finished also.

"Eiih! Emmmmaaaa."

i chimed in, chuckled, and told them "you Africans really eat everything." Senam and i have a running joke every time we sit down to eat. he observes at how i pick at my food, and choose what will enter and what won't. i laugh at how he crunches down on chicken bones and chews them to bits. we constantly ask each other 'will you eat this?'. i mostly push chunks of fat, or layers of skin, bones, and intestines his way. and he enjoys it. but a goat head?

"senam, are you going to eat that goat head?" i really wasn't sure one way or the other.

"ummm..." he looked at it closely. "it still has the teeth, and the tongue and everything... i don't think so."

the day had been full and i was ready to go home and sleep.

we left home, carrying the goat head, which is now in the refrigerator waiting for who knows what?