cameroon- the house

The most exciting thing that happened on the drive from Douala to Yaounde was the car in front of us hit a goat. And really, that wasn't exciting, it was sad. seeing an animal hit by a car is disturbing, and it takes a long time to shake the feeling.

life prancing in front of your eyes.

death sprawled out on the side of the road.

and you know who to blame the entire way, whether it was accidental or not, they're in front of you.

so yes, a goat lost his life, but, the surroundings were gorgeous. in fact, it was very similar to the region i'm in in ghana, big tall trees, rainforest trees, with vines growing up in all directions choking out their life, then hanging back down like long dangly earrings. green everywhere. blue on top. life breathing life.

i felt comfortable, except for one thing.

i was freezing cold.

"excuse me" i said from the back "do you think you can turn down the air? i'm feeling a little chilly." that was after i had put on a long hooded thermal.

"oh yes Madame, no problem at all."

and that was the extent of our communication during the hours spent together traveling as passenger and driver to my families house, besides an "uh oh... oh... ahhhh no!" when the goat failed his crossing. and a laugh communicating misfortune.

but i didn't mind not talking, and i wasn't too sure if he even spoke english. i was traveling through the french speaking region of cameroon, and would be the entire trip. i took out my imaginary case, put twi inside and told twi i would be coming back, then sealed it tight.

i won't forget about you. i promise. yebehyia.

i was slipping my feet out of dusty village sandals into sleek jeweled slippers.

but i wasn't going to feel out of place. all my family has a way of being both prestigious and incredibly down to earth. of appearing glamorous and easily approachable. they live their rich lifestyle in a proud 'i found it on sale' type of way, jumping into their big glassy shimmering pools in formal evening wear.

they aren't pretentious.

we pulled up to a black gate, two men in guard uniforms and guns strapped over their shoulders opened it for us, and we drove up to the house i had heard so much about. my aunt was standing outside, looking beautiful of course, waving.

i had finally made it.

before i had a chance to lean over and pull the handle, the door opened for me.

"thank you." i told the driver, then i jumped down and went over to my aunt.

she had her arms outstretched and was laughing out thrill, she's dramatic by nature. "ohh kacie!!!"

"judi!"

we gave a warm hug and then she began on the beginning of a series of a million and one stories, all of which were animated and told with the same amount of energy and urgency, smoothly transferring from one onto the next like an Olympic relay race. sort of like bob, but in a more settling sane way.

we cruised through their house, which was obviously more of a mansion, and she tried to orientate me. i dropped my bag off in my youngest cousin's room, who hasn't grown older than 3 years old in my time warp memory, but will soon be celebrating her 14th birthday. "she's almost 14?!" i could barely believe it, but i didn't dare say that to her later, that would make me into one of those weird relatives. the kind you don't see for a long time and can only stare and comment about how big you've gotten. the kind that i was about to be but pretend not to be. "then how old is Torri?"

"she's turning 16 on Saturday!" judi said. then she went on to tell me of a fabulous surprise birthday party they threw for her just a few days prior. "since we'll be on our family trip for her birthday, and she really wanted something special, i thought it'd be really fun to give her a little surprise. i mean, you know us kacie, i don't know what she was expecting, she knows she wasn't getting a car. imagine that!" then she imitated driving up in a beautiful convertible and waved over to the wall. "beep beep, hello!!!" we both laughed. "she knows we aren't like that, so instead i just woke up really early..." judi has a way of stretching out her words and making very dedicated eye contact during her stories so that the intensity knocks up a few notches and you're drawn in whether you were willing or not. i was willing. "... i woke up really early..."

and she moves her body like a dancer. her hands, her head, her shoulders are erect.

"... i woke up really early, and cooked all this special food for her, cake, chocolate mousse. uuummm, chocolate mousse, it was so fun! we'll have to eat that after lunch, there's still some left." she said, giggling and letting me in on her secret. "are you hungry?"

"very."

"good, because i planned bean tacos for you. i couldn't remember if you were still a vegetarian or what, so i figured bean tacos would be safe. the cooks have finished and the table is set so let's go do that, let's go eat bean tacos. then we can have the chocolate mousse, won't that be fun?!"

it sounded perfect to me.

when we were sitting at the table i asked "what's this?"

"oh it's The Buzzer." she said, overacting being official, clipping her big full lips together and perking up her eyebrows. "i still can't ring it without laughing. really. try it." she pushed it over in my direction. it was a small white rectangle chunk with a button on top.

"what would i say?"

"Francis will come out and ask you what you want. but we can do that later, for the dessert."

we sat and assembled tacos with all the beautiful ingredients splayed out on the table.

"i like to eat here, it's more intimate. so when it's just me and niels, or like this right now, me and you, i try to get them to set us up out here. it's just too creepy eating at that huge dining room table when it's not full, you know!?!"

"how often do you eat lunch with niels?"

"he tries to come home in the afternoon everyday."

i respect my uncle. he is a true family man. and i respect my aunt. they've raised a beautiful family.

i was onto my 4th taco. i couldn't control myself, it was all too good. i was trying not to apologize for my over appetite, i can't stand listening to woman apologizing for eating because i know what they are really apologizing for.

sorry for daring to appear unsexy, sorry for choosing myself over image, sorry for not being a "lady".

but when there were no more shells and i realized i had eaten more than my fare share i did squeak out a sorry. that was a sorry for being inconsiderate.

"oh keep eating! here-" she said, sliding The Buzzer over to me "we can get some more."

i pushed it and we both cracked up. my index finger had beckoned a servant and he was standing by my side in less than a minute with a silver tray and big willing eyes. i felt really weird. i hated it from an outside perspective, but as an insider it seemed okay for the moment. i couldn't over analyze it now, i had to eat more tacos.

"um, do you think we could get some more taco shells?"

"yes of course." he said, nodding and turning with the precision of a cadet.

when he came back judi asked for the bowl of mousse from the fridge. i believe there were more than 6 fridges, but he apparently knew which one she was talking about.

"yes Madame." he said.

"with 2 spoons also! and no bowls, just bring it in the big green bowl it's already in."

"Madame, no bowls?"

"no bowls. just spoons. thanks."

"yes Madame."

we chatted some more and my head began to spin from all the options. options of food, things to talk about, paintings to stare at, rooms to discover, ways to focus my mind. options of how to feel, being so rich in a world so poor.

Francis began to try and clear a space for the mousse, which looked delicious.

"oh it's okay francis, you can just put the bowl over on the table down there."

"yes Madame."

then he placed it on the low lying coffee table and looked at us like he was either making a huge mistake, or we were crazy.

"thanks" we said.

we walked over with our spoons in hand, sat down cross legged, and dug in. i could feel a double chin growing with each bite, and i embraced it, temporarily.

"so Yannika has a soccer game this afternoon at her school. it's parents versus students and i sort of signed you up as a competitor. i thought it'd be fun! i'll play too..."

i was exhausted and needed to sleep, but if i couldn't do that soccer was the next best thing.

"sure, that sounds like a lot of fun."

i noticed i still felt that strange feeling, the one i had in the airport with my uncle, the disorientation. almost as if i was watching a video of myself. the feeling of jet lag, or drugs. i wanted it to go away.

once i saw my cousins, played soccer, and took a nap, all would be fine. i was sure.

i was just glad to be with my family.