more Ma tales...

it has been two weeks and the maternity ward has only gotten women at night, besides prenatals. i've stopped expecting to be called and have come to terms that nobody at the clinic will travel to get me in the dark.

the days are long, therefore, i have taken up a twice-weekly habit of sleeping on the job. it is a very Ghanaian thing to do and i'm a talented napper, so i figured what better way to fit in with the local culture?

Ma's office is getting too cold for her. it's wintertime here and everybody is decked out in sweaters and beanies. i come to work wearing a tank top.

to keep herself warm she now leaves her spot behind the desk and sits on a chair in the front room of the block. it's an open room full of direct sunlight and pink walls. There is netting covering the area of the windows that glass would typically be, and benches stacked up for the volunteer meetings on tuesdays and the baby clinic on fridays. this is also the room where families of women in labor congregate. Ma does not allow them into the back area until after the child has been born.

"why can't they just come back?" i asked.

"Hmf. It's not good." she said.

"why?"

"Because, they will disturb."

"but why?" i was like an incessant child, but i had to be. i find the more i ask why the more i annoy her, but also the more interesting the answers become. i'd rather get a juicy tale than be compliant.

"Because they will." she said again.

"yes, but WHY?"

She puffed herself up and let out her long sigh. Her hands danced around in front of her as she thought up her answer.

"because of witchcraft." she said. then she lowered her head and closed her eyes.

i hoped her eyes closed didn't mean she was through talking, because i was just beginning with the inquiry.

"witchcraft? i don't understand." i said.

"because of the local witchcraft i don't want people back there, thats why."

we sat saying nothing. i didn't want to overwhelm her with my seeming ignorance so i once again let the story leak out in it's own time. i was sure it would come if i could just be patient.

"you know..." she started up "there are witches in this place."

i was noticing how much she resembled a big fat owl perched on a branch. very intentional with her few movements, and eyes just as big.

"there are witches and witchcraft. it's not good. i've heard they'll keep the babies from coming."

she moved her hands motioning a baby coming out and then stopping.

"the witches, i have heard, will press their feet down hard to the ground, soooo hard and then the baby won't come. that is why i don't let the women scream. i want the baby to come quietly so we can go out and tell the family, he has come!"

i had two thoughts. i was warmed to see Ma acting as a protector and caring for her patients by not letting them make noise, even though i am pretty certain the baby would come either way. secondly i had to reconsider my original notion, which was- women in the village were tougher and could handle pain in a more contained fashion, so much they didn't even need to make loud sounds.

"yes the witchcraft is all over, but there is no place for it here. Hmf."

i looked over on the wall at a poster sized calendar of Jesus. He was larger than life and surreal looking. the months of 2006 were listed along the bottom of the poster. a new calendar for 2007 had been hung on the same nail in the wall. this one was of an African beauty queen and was smaller. the beauty queens face was the same size as Jesus' and had been hung over his, replacing Jesus' face with that of a woman but keeping the robe and gentle hands in place so that it looked like the white god had a new look.

i pointed it out to Ma.

i'm still not certain how well she can see, with the creeping cataracts in her eyes, but she saw what i was referring to. it looked like a cardboard Jesus cutout where the African woman had inserted her face. it was funny. i related more closely to the second image than the first.

Ma and I cracked up and she told me "you are always making me laugh."

then she went on to explain how when i had contacted Foundation Human Nature 2 years back and asked if i could apprentice with the midwife at the clinic she had said "no".

"Did they tell you?" she asked me.

"no, they didn't."

"but you kept asking. you kept calling. you were persistant. but i didn't want you to come. i even thought you were a midwife yourself. that is what Dr. Ed Gold said. He said you were a midwife."

I had made it clear i was not. I told the head of the organization i had no nursing or midwifery skills. I was simply coming to observe and learn. He said he would get back to me. i liked imagining him having to lie to get me there, coaxing Ma into believing i was qualified.

"yes, Dr. Ed Gold said you were a midwife, but even then i didn't want you. then finally they said you were still in contact and i had to let you come." she smiled at me and chuckled. a little it seemed, out of embarrasment and a little out of circumstance. i was here now and we were doing just fine, laughing and napping together.

i almost asked if she was glad now that i came, but decided to hold back. i didn't want to be openly rejected.

"do you remember the first day you came? Madame Lydia introduced you as a midwife and you said you were not?!" tides of laughter poured from her gut. "i even thought you were a midwife! turns out you are an educator!! ahahahhhaha! now you see-" she was choking on herself "how a midwife suffers. the life of a midwife is not easy, you should go back to the schools, unless you find this too interesting."

i didn't feel like i was suffering at all. i wanted to be, i wanted to be up all night till the wee hours of the morning, tending to women in need. but instead i was about to sleep on a bench.

"well i do find it interesting." i said.

"then you shouldn't waste your time here." she had gathered herself and was instructing me in some wise advice. "go to train, become qualified, and in 2 years you can return. you can be the head midwife. as for me, i will retire soon."

i liked the thought of that.

Kacie Annelise Mutscheller: Head Midwife: Huttel Health Clinic: Boamadumase.

Then i remembered the rats running atop Ma's roof. That is the resident midwifes house. Could i live years with the sound of claws scratching across metal?

I thought of babybushmeat. I had somewhat gotten used to him, our resident pet. Sure i could get used to the rats. and i would have to scrub the grease streaks off the wall.

"yeah, that sounds like a great idea. then i will get to wear a white midwifes dress like you!" i exclaimed.

"OH NO! this is senior midwifes wear. you will have to work some time before you can put on a white dress. but don't you worry you will get there. you will. one day."

"and Efreeyeh?!" i said it loud enough that she could hear me in Ma's office. "Efreeyeh and i will be a team. We'll deliver the next generation!"

I think Efreeyeh liked the thought of that although she didn't say anything.

"and i'll let her do all the circumcisions"

i immediately heard a giggle.

earlier that day a mother of week old twins had come in to have her boy circumsized. I thought i wanted to watch, so i went into the women's ward where the little baby was lying on his back. Efreeyeh was tying his legs down with a strip of African cloth. the mother was outside with the girl cradled in a white cloth. I sat at the baby's head and felt his hair. i could have been petting the belly of a bunny, it was that soft.

Efreeyeh prepared everything into a ready position; gauze, forceps, clipping devices.
i took a deep deep breath.

what continued in that next 10 minutes was too much for me to handle. the baby screamed loud and long and shook from excruciating pain. i wondered about the custom of circumsision, then i hated it.the second layer of skin was getting sliced into and i was beginning to feel weak and dizzy. i called for someone to take my place.

i walked over to the office and reclined on the mini-couch, with it's plastic covered cushions.

Secetry entered laughing. r>
"Oh kessy! You fear the circumsision! Oh Kessy!";

i told him i didn't so much fear it as i pitied the child. You couldn't offer solace to a child being mutilated and strapped down to a wooden bench.

The lab technician, Kingsley, came into the office to tease me too.

"Kacie? It seems you can't even watch. Can you? You fear it do you?? But you have to know it is the custom in Ghana. If you don't get your penis cut then you won't ever get a wife! It's true, no woman will want to marry you, even if you have one billion cedis! She will see your penis, scream, and leave you."

"it's true!!!" chimed Secetry.

"then that same boy who wasn't circumsized as a child" Kingsley was driving his point home with another example "will grow and enter JSS and everyone in school will tease him because of his penis. he won't be able to go another day with all that teasing. when he goes to the toilet, he will hide like this..." he huddled and cupped himself in the corner "he'll hide and he won't show anyone, he'll fear being beaten. i know of some children who become old, say 20 or something, and go to get circumsized so they won't feel ashamed. one billion cedis will not get you a wife if your penis is not cut, i will tell you that." then he left.

when i was in Ho, sitting with Senam in the hospital talking about life, the issue of circumsision came up. i dont' remember why but Senam told me of a child he grew up with who hadn't had it done. My dear friend explained to me how much he had made fun of the boy, for years on end. Growing up in rural Ghana, in a village, is a public affair. Your private parts are as visable at times as the bananas for sale down the road. You bathe in your yard, and your yard is public. The poor boy was teased until he was taken at 12 years old to get the skin removed.

Senam said "he didn't walk straight for weeks, and wouldn't look us in our eyes even longer than that."

the baby in the womens ward had finally quit crying and was back with his mother. when i left the room she had moved behind the corner and was biting her fist. as a future mother, i don't think i could have handled hearing all that.

i told Secetry "well when i have a baby i will not be circumsizing him. and if my husband demands it then he can bring him."

"fine fine!" he said.

i left the office over to Ma's. I wanted to be closer to women, which would bring me further away from what i had just witnessed.

A few hours later, after talking with Ma about witchcraft and midwifery, i had almost released the memory, until i hollered at Efreeyeh that she'd be taking care of all the future penis surgeries.

I think Ma had correctly read and interpreted my distaste at the idea of having to perform a circumcision. I had assumed in rural health clinics' that was a midwifes job. I was beginning to slide down the hill of self-doubt. She interuppted me by saying "as for circumcision, that is not a midwife's duty, that is why i stay in here while it is being performed. as for me i don't like it so i don't do it. don't worry kacie, you can leave that up to someone else, it is not for you. do you ever see me in the room while the baby is being cut? Never! So don't you worry."

We both closed our eyes, mine in the comfort of knowing and hers in the tiredness of old age. Together, we fell asleep on the job.